Velvet Poll Finds Dirty Hungarian Phrasebook Useful in the Sack

In its typically thorough and uncompromising way, Velvet is investigating its readers’ sexual habits and desires – and their biggest turn-ons an -offs in the sack. Unsurprisingly, the results of the online survey are not always that surprising: only 4 percent of Hungarian men like their women hairy, beer guts are bad and over-skinniness is OK, for example. What is more revealing, were the attitudes to conventional “women’s magazine” values like experience in bed and unselfishness, which are considered not in the slightest bit important by Hungary’s panting sex slaves. More than a third of Velvet readers think the top shag-factor is to be sexually compatible with your partner, a quarter believe love to be the biggest aphrodisiac of all while 11 percent say attractiveness is king. On the other hand……The most serious libido-killer is to fail to enjoy the act, which is only marginally more annoying than just lying there “legs akimbo like a plank of wood” or “faking it”. Top turn-offs also include being disgusted by bodily fluids, being inhibited and “automation learned from porn films.” Meanwhile, it’s fine to bite, but even better to talk dirty Hungarian while you hump. Refreshingly, most Hungarians don’t give a shit if you come too quickly or take too long, or give them a hickey. However, if you have bad breath, stinky armpits or are very fat, you are unlikely to even get past first base with a Magyar.

Velvet says this is just an early taste of the Hungo sexual psyche and promises to publish more in-depth details of bad bedroom etiquette – broken down into male and female categories – in the near future. And then so will we.