Hungo Porno Script Competition Does Not Fail To Disappoint

When legendary Hungarian pornographic filmmaker István "Kovi" Kovács took charge of not-safe-for-work website Goldengate.hu, the first thing he did was ask readers to come up with a script for his next film. Amazingly, the man behind Porn Wars found that writing an original script for a porno (see image) is not as easy as it sounds. Kovi and his jury, which included Hungarian pornstars Angelina Crow, Nikki Rider and Csoky Ice, received a total of 76 entries, of which 54 films made it into the final vote. What follows is the cream of a rather poor, but nonetheless pretty amusing, crop.

Some entrants went for tried and tested James Bond spoofs, such as "Cheat Another Day" and "Come and Let Come," while others choose awful plays on words like "Prot(er)ection" and "F(Sp)ritz" (the story of a German paratrooper who landed behind enemy lines) and the more ambitious went for shock tactics with names like "Fucked-up Birthday" (Elbaszott születésnap) and the untranslatable "Ez a faszom nem disznóláb" (er, "here's my cock, it's not a leg of pork").

Some of the writing talent is also worthy of a mention: "Párocskánk testnedvei mindenhol elfolynak" ("Our little couple's bodily fluids flow in all directions") and "miközben a pasija erőszakolja - pofonok, seggesek - leányzónk is pofozza, majd leszopatja a barátját (ha lehet torkos, de a színésznők mandulájára bízom)" ("while her man is raping and slapping her on the face and ass, our girl hits him back before sucking him off (deep throat if possible, depending on the tonsils of the actress)".

Even the more imaginative plot lines were predictably laborious. "Evil Desires" (written by Erich15) features two women speaking about a man they dislike - before kneeling down and pleasuring him without a moment's hesitation. One of the most imaginative scripts has Csoky playing Mr. Meggy (Mr. Sour Cherry), a cloned man who is just discovering his sexuality - and gets to pop his cherry with two girls at once. And then there's "Sweet Movie" (written by Flame de Musa) in which the protagonists get so excited that they cover a whole cake shop with chocolate and whipped cream.

Interestingly, current affairs also popped up. Three of the plots, "Rendőrszopi" (Police Mouthful), "Rendőri Túlkapás" (Police Violation) and "Bobby Job" were inspired by Hungary's recent police rape case, with the latter featuring the following most excellent line of dialog: "Jogában áll élvezni, jogában áll nyögni, de bármit, amit mond, felhasználom maga ellen a büntetés végrehajtása alatt - súgja Brigitte" ("You have the right to come, you have the right to groan, but anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law," whispers Brigitte.)

The winner of the competition was Ozirisz with a story of the wife arriving home to find her best friend screwing her husband in the pool (pic up top). Rest assured, it all ends in smiles and cumshots. Angelina Crow's comment on the site reads: "This isn't a great story either, but it can be shot." The film has since been made (more pics are available here) and will soon be available for download on the site.